What more do you want to know about me?  I have no secrets.  That’s not true at all; I lie about everything.  Is that true?  I don’t even know anymore.  I’m caught in a Costanza-size web of lies.  Anyhoo, here’s the awkward Bio I had to write about myself to send to clubs and bookers: 

Denise Ramsden is a unique comedian, blending bold humor and biting sarcasm with personal experiences.  While a favorite among female audiences, her natural, honest sense of humor also greatly appeals to men, and no one is safe from the infectious laugh infused throughout her act.  Denise discusses familiar topics and situations, which give her an accessible quality few comics share, but it is a combination that all audiences remember …or whatever…

A Chicago native, Denise has performed in comedy clubs, colleges, charity events, bars, church halls and bowling alleys in over 20 different states.  She has been heard on the Bob & Tom syndicated radio show and also appeared on the FOX network's LaughsTV.  In consecutive years, she was a finalist in three festivals:  the World Series of Comedy in Las Vegas, the Great American Comedy Fest in Norfolk, NE, and the Comedy 10K in Dubuque, IA.  In 2013, Denise utilized her abundance of useless movie knowledge as a fairly successful contestant on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?  Just don’t ask to borrow any money.